Anti-depressants in my 20’s.
Breakdown at 30.
Chronic incurable illness at 36.
Immobilised by grief at 51.
Add in all the dead ends I’ve gone down, the questions I’ve asked myself, and the work I’ve had to do to accept and own all those parts of me I might otherwise reject or feel shame about, and it’s like the work on myself never stops.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, there have been times when all I wanted someone to swoop in, tell me exactly what to do, and save me from my circumstances.
Being saved is an attractive idea, isn’t it?
But what would that actually look like?
What would be the impact if the way life worked was that every time you found yourself in the shit or facing something that rocked you to your core, someone came along and fixed it all for you…
You’d have no ownership or agency over the solution or the way it worked out
You’d need saving the next time around too
While you might grow intellectually, you’d never grow as a human being
You’d have learned the square root of fuck all
And your capability and potential would never be realised
I don’t want that.
Do you want that?
So it turns out Shania was onto something.
To paraphrase her, even if I might take the long way around when life throws me a curveball or when I'm left worn-thin by adversity, I’m still the only one who can own where I'm at, learn what I need to learn and make it through.
Sure, her version scans better, but the point is…
No matter how tough your life gets, no matter how much you’re struggling, and no matter how much you might wish for it, nobody is coming to save you and that’s the whole fucking point.
It’s on you.
You can still ask for input, find support or seek appropriate help or guidance, of course you can.
By all means ask for help from a bestie or a family member. Go for it. Have them hear you. Just don’t expect what they say or do to be right or perfect or clear or easy or even understandable.
Go to to a therapist. Unearth all that history and emotion. Feel unburdened and understood. Just don’t expect everything to be wrapped up neatly with a bow on top.
Work with a coach (cough). Through their eyes get a picture of the person you have the potential to be or the future you can carve a path towards. Just don’t expect them to do the work for you.
But the best possible person to help you or save you will only ever be you.
You're who you are today.
My remarkable grasp of the obvious tells me there’s no getting around that.
You're also capable of taking chances. Of making choices. Of owning what matters to you. Of not knowing what hell you’re doing but still doing something. Of learning how to accept and integrate what’ seems impossibly difficult. Of exploring that version of you you've seen flashes of genius from.
As much as you might sometimes want someone to swoop in and save you, you have everything you need to become that someone.
You just gotta own it.
It’s funny (weird funny, not roflmao funny), despite all the successes you’ve had and hurdles you’ve overcome as a leader, sometimes the hardest part is remembering that you’re the only one accountable for leading in your own life.